i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
