I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
