eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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