he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
