bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I touched a dick in church today
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
