True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
