ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
