her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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