respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
