Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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