i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
