how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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