My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just puked most of my soul out..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
