Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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