I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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