I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How's work?
Spinning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
