We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
