hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
