Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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