I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
