Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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