sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
