p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
