I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
