OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
