he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
