I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
