We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
