My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
