his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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