Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
