so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
