he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
