bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
