walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my shit smells like andre
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
