i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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