saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
