I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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