I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
