does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
