He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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