Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
