I just made out with a guy for $7.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
