it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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