Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize