maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
