Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize