you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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