Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
