i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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