I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
