tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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