That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
