I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
