so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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