mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
