Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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