I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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