So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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