Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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