OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
