considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
