i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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