Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
