I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
