Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
