So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
