My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
