That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize