you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize