In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
