if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
