FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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