you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
